WELLNESS WEDNESDAY – Top 5 Tips To Navigate Healthy Sexual Relationships
We often have this misconception about what sex means, what it looks like, and when it’s possible and when it’s not possible. A lot of people want to talk about it but there’s been so much taboo around it. There’s a lot of blurriness which has had a big effect on the whole Me Too movement. Sex and intimacy is a big part of wellness. It’s a big part of the complete picture of what makes us humans. Sex and intimacy don’t necessarily have to be synonymous, and oftentimes they’re not. It’s important to address and to create clarity with how we navigate sex. Learn the top five tips to navigate healthy sexual relationships here.
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WELLNESS WEDNESDAY – Top 5 Tips To Navigate Healthy Sexual Relationships
This is an exciting topic. It’s something that I feel will get a lot of engagement. It’s something that a lot of people want to talk about, but there’s been so much taboo around it. We don’t end up talking about the things that we want to talk about. I want to talk about something that’s been on my mind a lot and that is sex. It’s been a very interesting world for me. Diving into this topic of healing our relationship with sex. I feel like often we had this misconception about what it means, what it looks like, when it’s possible and when it’s not possible. There’s a lot of blurriness, which has had a big effect on the whole #MeToo. Sexual boundaries, what’s okay and what’s not okay? Really feeling into understanding what clarity is around sex. I want to start by creating my intention. My intention for bringing this Wellness Wednesday and sex is because I believe sex and intimacy is a big part of wellness. It’s a big part of the complete picture of what makes us humans. Sex and intimacy don’t necessarily have to be synonymous and oftentimes, they’re not. That this is a huge topic. When it comes to the #MeToo Movement, this is important to address, to create clarity and to create a relationship with how we navigate sex.
Create And Cultivate Healthy Sexual Relationships
The truth is unless you learn it from porn or you learn it from your friends back when you’re all trying to figure it out or you learn it from maybe the internet in some way, shape or form or you learn it from a physical education, we don’t know. We don’t talk about it. We don’t put things out in the open. I want to first talk about how can we begin to create and cultivate healthy sexual relationships? Relationships that aren’t necessarily bound by certain ways or views of what it needs to look like, but rather something that is an open dialogue in communication and expression between individuals. The truth is every person has different needs and desires. Every person has different reasons that they want to engage in sex or not. Every person has a different way of navigating this platform that we can share as people navigating in this same space called sexual interplay. I want to talk about the power around stating your needs and desires. I’ve been talking a lot about intimacy when it comes to men. One of the things that has come into my vortex this year, which I never would have thought. This is very important in women. I’ve had several men come to me and share with me that they may be out with someone, engaging with someone. They may take them home and there’s this pressure if they’re taking a woman home, to have sex with her, which is interesting because so often on the flip side, we have women who are speaking up about, “I feel like if I go home with a man, all he wants to do is have sex with me.”Set your intentions with yourself and with the universe so that you're clear on who you're attracting into your life. Click To Tweet
There’s some clearing that needs to happen around creating clearly and communicating effectively what your needs and desires are when it comes to sex. This is incredibly important and it’s something that is not often talked about that could benefit all beings around being talked about. Think about it this way. Think about if you had a clear intention and you knew that, “I just wanted to cuddle with this person or I just wanted to feel touch.” In our society, we are touch-deprived. How often do you get to have physical contact and connection with someone in the corporate world, especially other than a handshake or with your lover? There’s this deep desire to want to have this intimate space and want to have this touch and connection that doesn’t necessarily need to lead to sex. Yet so often, when man and woman come together in an intimate space or space alone and maybe they’re enjoying this intimacy, it can lead to something that maybe they both want. Maybe one of them wants, maybe neither of them want but there’s this thing called chemistry and this energy moving through your body. We are animalistic beings and maybe that overtakes us. It’s been amazing for me and my relationship with men and how both from working with them as individuals and in group settings as well as dating them. How many men have been able to open up with me and share with me that they’re in the space of trying to rechange or retrain their animalistic being? Our animalistic nature and reconnect back to what their intention is in all relationships and all engagements.
Be Clear About Your Needs And Desires
The first thing I want to talk about in creating and navigating sexual experiences, regardless of whether you’re in a partnership or you’re connecting with someone or you want to connect with someone, is being clear about your needs and desires. Even before you get into an intimate space, one thing that if anybody walks away with anything now, it’s about clearly stating your needs and desires. Whether you’re in a partnership, you want a partnership or you want to explore or you want to connect with someone. Be clear and open and transparent and authentic about what it is you want. If you’re attracted to someone and you truly do want to engage in some intimacy or some sexual act, we often don’t say that. We let our energy say it. We let our actions say it, but what happens there is that we don’t create clarity. Lack of clarity creates a feeling of not being safe. If we had this feeling of not being safe, then there’s going to be a disconnection in one way, shape or form. What if you were clear like, “I just want to cuddle with you. I find you attractive and I’d like to get to know you more. Yes, I’m feeling sexual desire but honestly, that’s not my focus right now. I want to focus on getting to know you as a person. I find you attractive and I am embodying my own sexual being right now. I would love to express myself sexually with you. How does that feel?”
Can you imagine if we created this culture where talking about these things was normal and was accepted? How many of you have had a dialogue about sex before having sex? It doesn’t even have to lead to sex, but even being interested in someone and expressing like, “I find you attractive. Part of me is interested in exploring you sexually. Part of me wants to get to know you. I don’t know what’s going on right now, but there’s a lot that’s going on. I want to be open and transparent and let you know how I feel and where I’m coming from so you can have clarity with my intentions.” Can you imagine what that would feel like for you as the receiver or for you as the person who’s speaking and honoring your truth? That would be awesome. I believe that if we start to normalize conversations around sex, that this could be our reality. I believe that if there’s more clarity being spoken between people, between individuals, both desiring or not, this will create a lot better clarity when it comes to not having these instances such as a lot of the #MeToos happening. Some #MeToo people were completely taken advantage of. Also a big part of it is lack of clarity, lack of communication.
Stating the needs and desires is this first thing I wanted to talk about. Be open and honest about where you are. If you don’t know where you are and you’re in a bunch of different places, you’re like, “I want to get to know you. I’m also sexually attracted to you but I don’t want to go down that route because I hadn’t been going down that route.” Whatever it is, just be open and transparent about what you want. When you’re open and transparent and clear about what it is you want, the universe will be able to give it to you. If you’re not open and clear and transparent about what it is you want even to yourself, then you’re not going to be able to get what it is that you desire. We were in a Men’s Circle, a few months ago and one of the men spoke about how he’s wanting to dance and he’s wanting to connect with other individuals or with other women on the dance floor. Every time he starts to go towards them, it gets awkward and he’s not sure and he never makes that connection. I offered to him. I said, “Are you clear about what your intention is?” Are you clear that, “This woman’s beautiful and I would like to dance with her because it would be fun or I see the way she’s dancing and I’m inspired. I’d like to go and try to learn from her.” Are you clear about what it is you want? Because if you’re not and you go approach someone energetically, they’re going to feel your uncertainty and that’s going to make them uncertain too.Sex should always be about feeling good and safe. Click To Tweet
Set Your Intentions
Clarity is sexy. That’s what I want to talk about, needs and desires, and in order to know that you have to connect to yourself. You guys meditate. Create space for yourself to connect to yourself so that you can hear your thoughts. Understand which directions you’re being pulled in. This is important in understanding and gaining clarity. The second thing I want to talk about are intentions, but all of these weaves into one another. This will be the third thing. Intentions, be intentional. Have an intention for why you’re doing what you’re doing. If you don’t have an intention for why you’re doing what you’re doing, then you’re not going to be able to attract the result that you desire. If you don’t know what you desire, spend more time with yourself to get clear about what it is you want and where it is you’re going. If you get clear about what it is you want, and this is in all aspects of life. It doesn’t have to be a sexual relationship, but it’s important as we’re in this sensitive time right now around the #MeToo and sexual abuse and what are the boundaries, and how do I know.
I feel that a lot of men are afraid now because they’re not wanting to get trapped up or wrapped up in the #MeToo Movement and they’re unsure. If you’re a man who is reading this, let me know if you’ve ever felt unsure about how to read a woman or what’s okay or what’s not okay. If this has been your experience, I want to stand with you. I want to help create clarity as a woman. What I have seen in my own experience and talking to my sisters around how can we create more clarity for ourselves and for our men. I will tell you something that is incredibly out of alignment or misaligned or incredibly confusing. Women are beautiful. Let’s be honest. Women are gorgeous, they’re sexy, they’re goddesses and they know it. When they dress up in a certain way to get attention, let’s say they go out to a bar. Then they’re upset about the sexual attention they get or the way that men approach them. They’re not aware of the intention that they are putting out in their energy field when they’re dressed in a certain way, in a place where there is lack of consciousness and more liquid courage and desire driven-based spaces. This is important and all of us taking responsibility for what has created in our life, for all of the aspects of humanity that are both beautiful and not so beautiful.
It’s important for all of us to start to set intentions about what we want and make sure that our actions are modeling and exemplifying what it is that we want. Set your intentions. If you want to hook up, that’s fine but be clear about that. If you truly want a relationship but you’re settling for hookups, then you’re contradicting yourself. You’re never going to get what you want. If you are wanting a relationship and you’re meeting people and you’re communicating like, “I want a relationship. I’m not trying to scare you off but this is where I’m at,” and they end up leaving because they’re like, “I just want to have sex or whatever. I’m not looking for that.” It’s so important to say goodbye, “Adios. Thank you. Who else is in a vibrational alignment for me?” Because if you’re not clear, you’re not going to be able to receive. Another thing I want to talk about is boundaries. I talked about this a little bit, who’s ever been unclear about boundaries? Is this a yes or is this a no? Here’s the thing. We are primal beings. We are animalistic beings. We can get wrapped up by energy and we can get in a hot and heavy and heated situation. We can allow our energy and our attraction and this energetic vibration to move through us and move us into a space of being intimate maybe further than we want to go.
Know Your Boundaries
I’m curious if anybody has had that experience where you’re wrapped up with another that you’re attracted to and you’re in this moment of hot and heavy heat. Maybe you end up having sex and you didn’t want to. Maybe you ended up going a little bit further than you want it to. I can say that I’ve definitely been there. Then what happens is both parties end up feeling bad after. How many of you have had a sexual experience and then felt not good about it after? You’re like, “That was not good. Why did I do that?” These are situations that come up. I’ve definitely been there where I’m wrapped up in this situation and then I get to this moment of climax or whatever. It doesn’t even have to be an actual orgasm climax, just a climax in general. I’m like, “What am I doing? This is not what I wanted.” This is why it’s important to know your boundaries, know what you want, set your intentions firmly. Root it in yourself before you go hang out with that person. Set your intentions with yourself and with the universe so that you’re clear on who you’re attracting into your life. Set your boundaries up, know your boundaries, know what you’re comfortable with and know what you’re not comfortable with.You're the safest investment you will ever make. Click To Tweet
This goes for men and women. It is unfortunate to me to become aware of how many men have a #MeToo story, but they’re not sharing it. It’s true. It happens. This goes in either way. We need to take responsibility for our self. We need to set boundaries and intentions for ourselves. This could be if you’re in a partnership or you’re not in a partnership. This doesn’t have to be, “I’m a single person seeking other single people to engage with.” Sometimes this can be confusing in your own relationship because you get caught up in your own sexual story. Maybe sex gets boring. Sex does get boring sometimes when you’re in a relationship. What are your needs and desires? I need to spice things up a bit. What does that look like to you? It’s like, “I like things the way they are.” It’s like, “My needs aren’t being met. My desires aren’t being met. How can we meet halfway?” Creating clarity, setting boundaries and talking about intentions. Why do I want this? Because I feel like I’m being trapped or I feel like I’m being confined into this little tiny sexual world. I’m wanting to explore myself when I feel like I’m not being my highest and best self because there’s a need that’s not being met.
I want to talk about this because my intention is to be my highest and best self. Sex too can be an act. It is an act of divinity. Sex is sacred. Sex is one of the most important tools that we have to connect with the divine. To embody the divine. It is the true source of where our potential of creativity of life lies. I believe it is so important to feel a deeper connection to what sex is and what it can mean and what it’s all about. This is something that I want to bring studying Tantra and being involved in Tantric practices. Bringing sacred sexuality back and bringing this relationship with sex back. I believe that there would be a lot less #MeToos if people began to see. Understand the power and the sacredness that lies and this ability to connect with one another in a way that you could not connect with anybody else. That leads me to responsibility.
Responsibility is huge and every person has to take responsibility for what happens in our lives if they want to find empowerment. If you’re not happy with where you’re at or what you’ve had or your sexual history or wherever it is. Anything in your life, regardless of sex or not, it is so important to take responsibility. If you’re a man and you’re not getting what you want or you’re unclear about how to engage, how to cultivate the type of sexual relationships that you want, ask yourself, get clear. Spend time with yourself, “What do I want? Do I want to hook up or do I want a deeper partnership? Do I want to reconnect to my sacred sexual self? Because I’ve always been tuned into being primal and to be ravenous because that’s what porn teaches me and that’s what my friends teach me.”
This last couple of years in studying Tantra, one of the things that was powerful for me was to be able to witness a man share some of his vulnerability. He was a Spanish man and he’s like, “Amanda, I’m from Spain. It is a very machismo-type of culture and we’re trained not only from TV and porno,” which is the only way that we know how to even begin to navigate this space as kids. If you guys are all about education, somebody should have better sex education for our children. I hope that those of who are inspired to work with children can help to share this and be transparent about it. I could have used that help when I was a kid. This guy said to me, “When you get done hanging out with a girl, one of the first things that your friends ask you is, “Did you F her?” It’s all about competing. It’s all about being better. As a man, it’s all about being better, having more ladies or whatever it is. When you’re measured by your friends, by your peers, by your community on whether or not you had sex with this woman. It creates a lot of pressure around and this idea that this is what I need to do in order to be where it is that I’m supposed to be as a man.
When he shared this to me, he said, “I had no idea that there were so much more to sex than even penetrative intercourse. I had been trained so much by my culture, by my society and by my peers that sex only looked like this one thing. When I started to explore other avenues such as,” he was big in the BDSM culture, “I started to understand how sacred and how incredibly special that sex can be.” One of the things that is powerful about either Tantra or BDSM is the fact of asking for permission.
Ask For Consent
If there’s one thing that I could share with every woman and every man out here in order to create safe sex and safe boundaries and in order to prevent #MeToos from happening, it’s to ask for consent. Consent is sexy and it gives the person who you’re wanting to dive deeper with, an opportunity to check into themselves and say yes or no. That not only protects them but it protects you too. If this message is resonating, please share it. Please let’s help everyone begin to understand and to become clear and to have sexual experiences that they desire in all shapes and forms. When you ask someone, “I would like to kiss you right now.” It’s weird at first. You’re like, “What? Aren’t you just supposed to do that?” This is awkward but then it feels empowering. You empower the individual that you’re engaging with. You empower yourself because you’re realizing that you’re not treading on any murky waters. It gives so much more power to every single person. This is whether you’re in the act and when you’re in the act, but for men or women who have desires, you have desires that you want. You have fantasies. You have things that you want to cultivate in your sex life and you’re not being met there. My question for you is, are you being clear? Are you being open? Are you being transparent and are you being communicative about your needs and desires? First and foremost to yourself and second to your partner or whoever you want your partner to be?
I would love to do more episodes on this. I’m going to do one around reading signs of women for men. How to read signs of a woman, it’s an important responsibility. Let’s stop saying #MeToo and let’s start saying #WeToo. We need to take responsibility for how we’re showing up and how we’re communicating verbally and non-verbally. For all the women out there, you are beautiful. You are goddesses. You are divine. Men see this, men understand this and they want you. You’re gorgeous. You’re radiant. It’s important to understand that the message that you are embodying in your presence doesn’t show like, “Look at me, I’m super sexy,” and then you get upset about the men who are attracted to you for those reasons. Be aware of your intentions and how you carry yourself and how you speak and how you hold yourself. Is it a yes or is it a no? If it’s, “I’m not sure.” Pause, wait, give that person time, “I respect you and I want you to know that I’m here with you. I’m co-creating this experience with you. This is not about me and I want to make sure that you feel good and safe because that’s what sex should always be about. Feeling good and safe. Wouldn’t you agree?” Giving each individual that time and space to check in. We are animals. We get caught up in our sensations. It’s amazing and sometimes it can be damaging because it can pull us back. Whether or not, male or female, this is super big.
I want to have fun. I want it to be spicy and I want it to be exciting. All those things are part of it too. Most importantly you can’t have fun and you can’t feel good and spicy if you don’t feel good and safe. Can we all agree that safety is super key in this? It’s big. I’m going to be talking about a lot more topics. There will be some special episodes that aren’t Facebook Lives that we’re going to be diving into. I have one coming up from #MeToo to #WeToo. How can we take more responsibility and heal the masculine and feminine within us all? That’s coming up on the podcast. Feel free to join me on Facebook. Become part of this conscious community. It’s super powerful to be a part of this. I want to have more conversations like this, but the truth is I need you to tell me where you’re confused, where you’d like clarity and what you want me to talk about. What you want us, as a conscious collective, to talk about. I can hold this space and that’s what my main job is. My main job is to hold this space to bring awareness to something that maybe isn’t at the forefront of our consciousness.
That means I need your help in helping me come up with more topics around what it is that you’re struggling with, what it is you’d like more clarity on? What made me want to talk about this is my own sexual experiences. I’ll write a book on it. I’ll save my experiences for later. They’ve been interesting, needless to say. I feel super fortunate that I have had the opportunity to spend a lot of time with men to see the other side of sexual energies and to see their side. A lot of times men feel super pressured to have sex with women because it’s like an expectation and then they’re pressured to perform. The list goes on and on, but we don’t see that as women because we’re not each other. My job here and my intention is to be this person who can help both sides. The masculine and the feminine begin to understand each other so that we can come back to union. We can come back to harmony with one another. Using sex as a weapon, that’s an unhealthy relationship. I will tell you, get out of it. If you recognize that, bring awareness to that and then stop it. Stop that relationship. You have a choice to be in it or to not be in it.Invest your time and energy into something that's going to help you increase your self-worth. Click To Tweet
I have a couple of things on self-worth. They’re on my YouTube channel, but I’m happy to do more. As we’re evolving, so is our ability to understand and cultivate bigger understandings of consciousness. How we can continue to support ourselves authentically and increase our self-worth. One thing that you did that will absolutely increase your self-worth is invest in yourself. Invest in yourself because when you invest in yourself, you tell yourself, “I’m worth it.” When you tell yourself you’re worth it, in an energetic sense, in a time sense, in a money sense, you’re the safest investment you will ever make. For those of you who have not yet joined us, we do have a Men’s Circle that’s happening soon. Dan will be there, Anthony will be there and Christopher will be there. That’s a great way to invest your time and your energy into something that’s going to help you increase your self-worth and create a tribe of support around you to help you feel more empowered. We’re going to talk about intimacy.
If you’re wanting to talk more about what you’re having problems with in the intimacy world, whether it’s sexual or not, then this is the place to talk about it. Talk about it with your brothers. Realize that you’re not alone and realize that there’s so much depth and pain embedded in this topic, but together we can help ourselves heal. Together we can come out of the darkness and shine our light and have safe and fun and amazing sexual experiences. Even intimate experiences. Come to the Men’s Tribe. If you’re a woman and you know a man who could benefit, tell me, send me a message. Tag him, tag this video or whatever you want to do. I’m available. I’m open. I’m here to support you. I’m here to hold space for you and helping you redefine how you want to show up in the world and so that we can all begin to step into the next and best and greatest versions of ourselves. Thank you, all. Please share this if it resonates. Let’s all help each other wake up. Please comment, please share it. Please feel free to message me with topics that you want to speak about. Thank you so much. I will talk to you soon. Adios.