DFP 1 | Shadow Work

Mindful Monday: Harnessing the Power That Lies In Doing Shadow Work

DFP 1 | Shadow Work

 

Shine the light on your shadow side as Amanda guides you deeper into a mindfulness-based practice that allows you to begin doing the “inner work.” Dive deep into discovering what the shadow is, how it shows up in our lives, and the best practices to begin to shine the light on the areas of darkness and challenges that tends to hold us back from achieving that which we truly desire.

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Mindful Monday: Harnessing the Power That Lies In Doing Shadow Work

I’m taking this moment here to ground myself in this space. This is something that I do every morning. It’s an opportunity for me to connect with you so that you can take these practices, which are powerful and begin to put them into your daily life. When we start our weeks out intentionally, when we start our days out with intention, even our weeks out with intention, we have so much more power to begin to cultivate that which we desire into our lives. I invite you to take a moment. Whatever you’re doing, you might be in the middle of some work. The truth is that when you take time, a few moments to ground yourself, whatever it is that you have to do for the rest of the day is going to be that much more productive.

If you’d be open to joining me, allowing yourself to close your eyes for a moment. Sit up nice and tall. Maybe you’re standing, even if you’re in the car, wherever you are, close your eyes and I invite you to place your palms facing down on your knees. Take a deep breath in through your nose. As you inhale, breathe in the expansion of your lungs and then open mouth, exhale. Let’s do one more. Inhale through the nose. You ground yourself at this moment, exhale. Keeping your eyes closed, I invite you to scan your body for a moment. Notice if there’s any tension in your body. If there’s any place that is feeling disconnected, maybe in your belly, maybe in your neck or in your shoulders. For a moment, see if you can send the breath and the energy to that space. By sending breath and energy to places of stagnation or disconnection, we start to move the energy.

If you have not already set an intention for your day or set an intention for your week, I invite you to do that now. Setting an intention for whatever it is that you feel that you need to accomplish or desiring to pull in. Maybe it’s balance, maybe it’s ease, fluidity. The powerful thing about setting intentions is that when we set an intention for our day, we’ve created an energy stream so we can continue to check in. It’s like a stake in the ground. It’s like something that asks us to put our stake in the ground, to be mindful of what it is that we’re calling in.

Shadow Work

Something that I wanted to talk about after having set your intention and grounded yourself is the shadow work. Mindful Monday’s practice, I invite you to do this every Monday. I invite you to take a few breaths before you start your day. I invite you to create space in your body, see where there’s tension and then set an intention. Where your attention goes, energy flows and you’re much more likely to stay on the path and stay connected to whatever it is that you desire when you’re in that space. Moving forward, I want to talk about shadow work. Shadow work is incredibly important when it comes to truly own where it is you’re at in your life and also being able to move forward in whatever path that you desire. It’s important to do the shadow work. What do I mean by shadow work? What is shadow work? Shadow work is the thing that we don’t want to see. When you’re doing the shadow work, it’s the stuff, it’s the things within you. It’s the stickiness within you that you would rather blame on something or someone else.

It's in the shadow work that we have this incredible opportunity to realize the part you are contributing to the reality. Click To Tweet

When we talk about shadow work, it’s about truly owning your thing. It’s about truly taking a moment to check in and say, “What is it that I have been projecting onto other people and other things outside of myself that I can choose at this moment to take ownership of? Because of that, I am able to move past it.” Only when we take ownership of something do we have the ability to transform it. Our shadow often comes from our childhood. It comes from being rejected, neglected or traumatic events that have happened in our childhood, that we didn’t understand with the little consciousness that we had, that we could own it.

Being adults and being conscious beings, we have this opportunity to start to own our thing. When we start to own it, when we start to own our feelings, when we start to own our experience, we have this incredible ability to step into our power. No matter where you’re at in life, no matter what it is you want, maybe you’re feeling disempowered in your job, maybe you’re feeling disconnected from your relationship, maybe you’re not connected to the roots of your home life, whatever it is, it’s in the shadow work that we have this incredible opportunity to realize, “What part am I contributing to the reality that I perceive to be true?” What ownership can I take and the experience with my partner for the reason why it’s not the way that I desire it to be? The truth is that the shadow work is something that we continue to do and are continuing to be asked to do. It’s not easy. It’s not fun. It does a number to the ego. When we do shadow work, we’re asking ourselves to look at ourselves fully and instead of choosing to put the blame on something or someone else, we’re asking ourselves, “How can I own what’s going on?” In that place of owning what’s going on, I have the power to move forward.

DFP 1 | Shadow Work
Shadow Work: Only when we take ownership of something do we have the ability to transform it.

 

If it feels good to close your eyes, I invite you to do that. If that’s how you can embody this present space, otherwise you can keep your eyes open, it’s up to you. I invite you to think about some area or aspect of your life that you’ve been challenged by. Maybe it’s something in your family. Maybe it’s something in your relationship, in your home life, in your job life. One of the things that can be powerful with shadow work is by writing it out. This is a community here. We all get to come together and we can all help each other in the work. The super powerful thing about shadow work is when you put your shadow out there, it’s in the light. It’s no longer hiding behind you, which means that you have such a bigger opportunity to begin to transform the shadow.

There are so many of you who join me in this conscious movement, in this conscious conversation. If you feel comfortable and you want to be open, vulnerable, and put your shadow out there, I invite that and we can do a little bit of shadow work together. The beautiful thing is we all have shadows. When we start to expose our shadows, not only do we feel lighter but we allow others to feel more accepted. I will start and I can explain a little bit of my own shadow that I’ve been working with lately. I’m in a place in my business where there’s a lot of uncertainty and feeling asked to step into a place that makes me uncomfortable. However, it’s something that I feel that I need to do because I’m having a lot of internal doubt, fear and insecurity. This is my own authentic, raw, vulnerable self.

I was projecting it onto things outside myself. I was projecting it onto my house, my living situation and stating that, “I don’t have enough space. I don’t have enough me time or free time.” The truth is it’s not my outside circumstances. It’s not even my business or my job that’s causing my challenge, my pain or my suffering. It’s my own shadow and my own stuff from childhood that I maybe haven’t dealt with or haven’t fully seen. If you’re dealing with something, for me I was like, “My house, there are too many people in here. I need my own space. I can’t handle this.” The truth is it had nothing to do with people. It had nothing to do with my environment.

When we do shadow work, we're really asking to fully look at ourselves. Click To Tweet

Oftentimes, it has nothing to do with your environment. It is hard to put you out there and to be open, authentic, and vulnerable in these times. It’s so much easier to blame whatever’s going on with things outside you. However, once I started doing my own shadow work and once I started sitting with myself, I started to realize that like, “It was a BS story that I was telling myself and it was a disempowering story.” It was a disempowering story for me to blame how I’m feeling. It’s disempowering for me to blame how I’m feeling on things outside myself because I can’t change those things. What I can change is my ownership of owning my thing.

Does it seem like there’s a lot of conversation that wants to be put out on the public, on social media? That’s okay. If you’re reading this, number one, if it resonates, please share it. My intention is to create a global conscious community where we can truly begin to access. Come together as a community and dive deeper and do the work with each other. Doing the self-work all the time on your own can be challenging. The shadow is something that we push back. It’s our ego. It’s our insecurities. It’s our fear that instead of wanting to be able to bring it into the light, we oftentimes blame it on things outside us.

Spiritual bypassing is more like, “I’m doing the practice. I’m doing the work. I’m better than you,” and because I’m in this practice, my thing doesn’t stink. It can be common in the yoga world and it’s slightly different. I will give you a little bit of an opportunity to do your shadow work. Identify some area of your life that’s rubbing you in the wrong way. It could be judgement like, “I don’t drink.” When you’re saying something oftentimes like, “I don’t drink because I practice yoga or whatever,” spiritual bypassing is a heavy term. It’s definitely this egoic thing like, “I’m doing the self-work.” You might not even have to say anything, “I’m doing the self-work and therefore because you’re not on the path, you’re less than me.” Whoever’s doing that or putting off that energy, sorry. That is defeating the whole point of doing the work right.

DFP 1 | Shadow Work
Shadow Work: Identify some area of your life that’s rubbing you in the wrong way.

 

The Things That’s Rubbing You The Wrong Way

When it comes to shadow, I invite you to think about something in your life that’s rubbing you the wrong way. It could be a relationship. It could be a job. It could be the housing situation. It could be your passion. It could be your family. Whatever it is, everybody knows that at some point there’s something that’s rubbing them the wrong way. That is your key into the shadow. The moment that you identify that thing then you have this opportunity to say, “How am I contributing to this? How could this be an experience of me? What’s going on in my life that is creating this story?” At the end of the day, we’re creating a story. At the end of the day, the only thing that we perceiving is our own idea, which is based upon our limited perspective. It’s our creation. When you’re looking at this thing, trying to take ownership of how you could be contributing to it.

Our shadow definitely comes oftentimes from our past and from our childhood. Your need to control everything could have stemmed from when you were a child feeling as though you had no choice. Maybe your parents were incredibly hard on you and incredibly particular and made you feel you had to do everything to a perfect T. There could be multiple reasons why this is one example. This created your need to control everything. You were feeling out of control because you didn’t have authority. You didn’t have the opportunity to stand in your power as a child because your parents were too worried about you. Oftentimes, parents who are overbearing in a way can be challenging.

Because you were feeling lack of control, you’re in this moment because you are now an adult. It’s like, “Yes, I’m going to be able to control everything. This is my need,” and there’s a fear or an insecurity that you’re out of control. This insecurity often is dealing with the root chakra, often is dealing with also Manipura Chakra, not feeling that we’re connected fully to our center. When we’re connected fully in our center and fully rooted in our power, it doesn’t matter how things go. We realize that at the end of the day, the experience is an internal one, not an external one.

Resistance With Someone

Doing the shadow work, it can be helpful and starting to be like, “Why do I feel like I need to control everything? Where is this stemming from?” A lot of the work that I do with my private clients is on this type of stuff. It creates these patterns and habits that like, “Let’s be honest.” If you could let go and know that everything was okay? That everything was working out for you, could you imagine how much relief you would feel in your body, in your mind, in your spirit? How much relief others would feel? Here’s the second part of shadow work. I invite you to think about a person, someone in your life that you’re having resistance to. Here’s where it gets good. Chances are if you’re feeling this lack of control, there’s probably something or someone, whether it’s a parent, significant other, a coworker or whatever that you’re feeling the most grinding. In that person, I want you to think and this is for anyone. If there’s someone that you’re feeling like, “This person bothers me because of X, Y and Z.” Write down all the qualities. Number one, one-word type of things like, “This person is controlling. This person is egoic. This person is passive-aggressive. This person can’t communicate.” Whatever it is, start writing one word down of the qualities that this person has that you cannot stand. Write that down for a while.

This is where it’s powerful. We begin to realize, we begin to shine the mirror on ourselves and start to truly and humbly ask ourselves, “How have I been exuding these characteristics?” The truth is that it wouldn’t bother you if you didn’t have these qualities within yourself. As painful and as hard as that might be, it is humbling and it allows you to soften. Think about masculine and feminine. I did a big series on masculine and feminine. Masculine is holding the ground. Feminine flows around. If there are two people or who are rigid and holding the ground, they’re not going to be able to work together. We need the masculine and the feminine or the soft and the strong in order to create movement and fluidity.

When we take this person or this thing, mainly a person and we write down all the qualities that we don’t like that rub us the wrong way, then we can start to say, “All of these qualities are in me as well.” The third part is how have I expressed these qualities in my life? We all have something that often is coming from our childhood that we want to blame on our childhood. “It was my mom. My mom was in denial. My mom, she hasn’t ever totally dealt with her parents’ thing. That’s why I have resistance.” It’s like, “BS.” We are conscious beings and we’re constantly, consciously evolving and waking up. We have this opportunity to call BS on ourselves.

DFP 1 | Shadow Work
Shadow Work: You have the ability to feel the love in every aspect of your life.

 

Whatever you see in someone else is an opportunity for you to see that inside yourself. When you begin to see that inside yourself, you can begin to create compassion for yourself and for them. From that place of compassion inside your heart space, you have the ability to feel the love in every aspect of your life. You have the ability to turn around whatever it is that you’ve been hiding behind and say, “I can finally love this part of myself.” In that loving, compassionate place, you can turn that shadow into something of light.

It would benefit us all to do the shadow work. Wherever you’re feeling resistance, whatever’s coming up for you, it is an opportunity for you to say, especially if it’s with an ex-partner. If there’s an ex-partner that is challenging you, what can you see about that partner that’s inside yourself? This is it. This is the shadow work. It can be helpful. When I work with clients one-on-one, I start to listen to them and I start to hear this story, the way that they’re telling me their story. Instantly, I can start to see the patterns and habits that are happening. Sometimes it can be helpful to have someone else call you out on your thing because sometimes the ego is tricky. It likes to change and transform often and it doesn’t want to be seen. It doesn’t want to be exposed.

Sometimes we can go pretty deep on our own. It can be helpful to have someone else hold that space for you so you can’t deny or shy away from the work that you’re being asked to do. This can be incredibly helpful if you’re dealing with a struggle or a challenge, especially in relationships or any aspect of your life. This is work that I’m constantly committing to do. The shadow work is never truly fully done because we are humans and we have egos. When we think that it’s over, it comes back. That’s the beauty is that we can begin to see ourselves with compassion and where we are with compassion.

Masculine is holding the ground. Feminine flows around. Click To Tweet

We can ask for help from our community and we can also ask for help from those who want to hold space for us while we begin to step into our power. The truth is, at the end of the day, you can only fully step into what you’re being asked to step into when you fully own who you are and where you are on your path and on your journey. Any feeling, especially like hate, something like, “What do you hate about yourself? What are you not accepting about yourself? What are you denying inside yourself?” We’re all beautiful children who are divine beings, who are incredibly perfect yet we’ve been programmed to believe that we’re not. It’s in this programming that we deny ourselves and that it’s in this denial that we don’t allow ourselves to be accepted and therefore, we don’t accept others. We have resistance instead of acceptance.

The next time you see someone, do something that you don’t like. Turn the mirror and see, “How has this either been me or is this me? How can I choose to see where this person is coming from? Maybe they’re from a place of pain.” My relationship with my mother completely changed when I began to do this work. Now, I see her for the beautiful woman that she is and we all have our challenges. We have a beautiful relationship. It’s very powerful in all relationships. This is Mindful Monday. Every Monday I come on and I give these tools to you in hopes that you do this work. When we commit to ourselves and commit to showing up, we begin to be able to show up more fully for everything and everyone else. We begin to create this close-knit bond of conscious evolution that is happening right here, right now.

I appreciate every single one of you who jumped on. It makes a difference. Your presence makes a difference. Your energetic presence speaks volumes because by tuning in to yourself, which ultimately has nothing to do with me. My life is about creating this channel through which energy can flow so that I can share and then hopefully that lands and resonates with you. The first step to being loved is to love yourself in all aspects of yourself. I can be judgy-wudgy when it comes to my body and I can project that onto other people. It’s a sad thing. That’s a hard thing for me to admit. It’s true.

DFP 1 | Shadow Work
Shadow Work: When we begin to own our shadows, we begin to truly take control of our own lives.

 

It’s a sad thing because when you’re judging someone, are you judging them or are you judging yourself against them? It’s the latter. Realizing judgment is only yourself judging you. When we begin to love ourselves and create compassion is when we begin to truly be able to show up authentically, with compassion and with a loving heart and loving kindness. I hope you take this work. I hope you practice it again and again. Shadow work will continue to come up. When we begin to own our shadows, we begin to truly take control or rather be empowered in our own lives.

If you want help with this work, if this is something that you want to dive deeper into, please feel free to connect with me personally. This is some of the work that I do with my private clients. At the end of the day, we have the ability when we are ready to step on the path. It’s the moment that we take ownership of our life and it’s the moment that we stop making excuses for where we are. We start stepping into the place that we know that we’re destined to be and that is our dharma. Our dharma is living in our truth. There are so many different ways we can make excuses for our health, on our families, on our financial situation.

At the end of the day, we’re only holding ourselves back. When we hold ourselves back, we’re doing a disservice not only to ourselves but to the rest of the world. The world needs you. The world wants you. The world is asking you to step into your highest and best self. It is in this place that we become connected back together as one. It is in this place that we have ultimate connection with ourselves, with each other, with the source. It’s in that place that we no longer feel alone and disconnected.

I also want to share with you one last thing. I have been holding Sacred Men’s Circles, holding space for men. If you were able to catch it, also this is important for the women to hear. We’re coming together as a conscious collective and redefining our relationship inside ourselves between masculine and feminine energies coming into harmony with that within ourselves. It helps us to come into harmony with those around us. I did a three-part series. If you haven’t caught that, please tune into that. There’s some powerful information. I’ve been holding sacred space for men here in Santa Cruz. It’s a men’s circle. However, there have been a lot of people who have been coming to me and asking for this space to be held who don’t live in Santa Cruz.

The first step to being loved is loving yourself. Click To Tweet

I hold women’s circles as well. There’s one happening on the new moon. If you are interested and you live in Santa Cruz, that’s local, let me know. However, this is going to be an online platform and an online source of connection where we can start to do the shadow work that has been wrapped up and then defined in masculinity. The title is what it means to be a man. There’s a lot of weight that our men are holding on their shoulders that it has been shamed to talk about. My intention is to create this space where we can begin to do the shadow work, see ourselves and come together. Instead of seeing each other as competition, start to see each other as a community and brothers who can help each other. This is the work that I feel as though I’ve been called.

If this is something that you’re interested in, private message me. That way I can get a count of who wants to be there and take part in this shadow work. This is the work that I have been asked to step into and I feel very grateful and honored to be able to hold this space for the masculine. For so long we’ve been asked, as women we’ve been told that we need to feel safe. Although that has been true for so long, I’m here to ask how about helping our men feel safe, their ability to express their authentic vulnerability and find the strength within that. Healing their relationship to the divine feminine together. There’s so much work that needs to be done in the world in terms of all of this. This is the work that I’m doing.

If this is something that you’re interested in and you don’t live in Santa Cruz, private message me and I would love to be able to invite you and hold space in that group. Thank you, every single, beautiful soul who’s here. You are amazing and you’re what makes this online, growing conscious community incredibly powerful. It’s your presence that makes a difference. I’m doing Transformation Tuesday. It’s going to be very powerful. It’s going to be about doing more shadow work around the story and transforming your story.

I would love to hop on and do some live coaching. It’s just going to be me. I’m going to do some live coaching sessions for Transformation Tuesday. If this message resonated, please share it. The more people who can start to understand how to do shadow work and step into this, the more light we can have in the world, the more we begin to grow our online conscious community. We end up helping each other at the end of the day. If you want to be a part of the laser coaching, live shadow work on our story that is going to be happening, please join me for Transformation Tuesday.

When we begin to love ourselves and create compassion is when we begin to truly be able to show up authentically. Click To Tweet

Thank you for your presence. You are incredibly divine. I appreciate you. I appreciate you sharing this message. Please do this work. It’s one thing to talk about it and be like, “We need to change the world,” and not do anything about it. The most important thing that we can do is start to do the work. It’s shadow work. It’s not just seeing the shadow. It’s doing the shadow work. It does take work. If it was easy, everyone would do it. I invite you to do this. It’s going to help you. It’s going to help your relationships. Thank you for the love. I appreciate it. Thank you for joining me for Mindful Monday. I hope that you have an incredible rest of your day. Please let me know if there’s anything else I can do to help you. If you want to support in your shadow work, you can reach out to me personally. I am sending you all so much love and I am going to get back to my work. Thank you. Much love. Adios.

Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode on Driven For Purpose. I cannot tell you how much your support means. If you found this content helpful in any way, shape or form, I would love it if you share this with your friends and family. If you haven’t yet already done so, please go on over to iTunes and leave us a review. Your reviews help us rank higher which means more people can get inspired by this content and together we can support one another to continue on our journey towards our highest and best selves.

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